I had years of wondering if we’d ever get a diagnosis, and doubting myself, due to the gap between who our child was at school and how she was at home. But as school demands increased, the signs became more visible; and – possibly even more importantly – we came across a great teacher and NHS mental health worker.
To an extent, it’s pot luck whether you find a supportive professional at your child’s school. If your child can contain their hyperactivity in lessons, it can be an uphill struggle to be listened to. I’m no natural advocate, but like all SEND parents, you find you have to be.
Here are some tips if you’re hitting a brick wall and concerned no one else is seeing the same child:
- Be patient. If your child has ADHD, the symptoms will become apparent in school. It just may not be until the demands become greater on them (this could be in junior school or not until secondary; or even later).
- This sadly may mean waiting until things are at crisis point. But unfortunately, you probably need to reach what feels like a ‘crisis’ to know how much ADHD is impairing their ability to function normally. (I put ‘probably’ and ‘may’ because hopefully this won’t be your journey – but sadly it was for us.)
- You can still work on the assumption that they have ADHD and access as much information and relevant parenting strategies as possible. There is help out there that doesn’t require a diagnosis: keep googling! Join parent groups online. Due to the wait -times for assessment, wider support services are often now available to children without diagnosis.
- Ring around for help (check the SENDIASS service in your area) and keep notes of challenges your child faces, with specific examples. Keep going until you find someone who listens and believes you.
- Keep note of the areas your child struggles in – with specific examples. If they are refusing to wear aspects of the uniform, or do homework, acknowledge this with school and ideally meet to discuss.
- Grow that thick skin: don’t take comments to heart. The professional you’re speaking to is coming to this with their own knowledge and biases; or they may be inexperienced. It’s one person’s opinion. Consider it and shelve it if it’s irrelevant to you and your child.
- Ask the same questions to those involved with your child ( including groups out of school) : are they procrastinating? Completing their work? Fidgety? Inconsistent with their work? Anxious? Moody? Look at the Connors questionnaire for teachers to see what an assessment is identifying.
- One teacher may miss clues, due to the context of that class. Another will notice.
- Call your GP to find out more about the ADHD pathway in your area. They may bat you back to school in order to refer; but the system is constantly changing and different area to area. Explore Right to Choose. Find out the current requirements.
- If school are adamant they see no signs of neurodiversity, I would hold off pursuing diagnosis until you’ve spoken to some of the clinics you may refer to. Specifically ask their criteria for diagnosis, or rather the weight given to school’s responses. Explore if masking is taking into account or if the “second setting” will need to be school, or could be elsewhere.
Keep in mind that whilst getting a diagnosis is incredibly important, because it validates the struggles your child has been having and can access further support like medication – it’s not a panacea. Nor is an EHCP. The best support will come from home so keep researching all the parenting information. Look beyond social media for this although it can be a good starting point.
You’re not going to be in the mood to advocate everyday or even every month – very often, the day-to-day is enough to get through. But keep searching for that one person who also understands or ‘sees’ your child – they are out there!
*”second setting” refers to the requirement for someone to display the same symptoms in two different settings to meet the diagnosis for ADHD.